Transcript by Azaiya
Lady (Sorry, I don’t know her name I live in NY): (blah, blah, in the news this morning, blah blah): …and a popular T.V. couple totally busts Sam.
Guy: You know he does the satellite thing, and he thinks no one can hear him, but guess what?
Sam: Yeah. Oddly enough—okay. We showed you all today uh, the two kids—
Lady: You were rude?
Sam: Well no—yes. The two kids from Dawson’s Creek uh, Joshua Jackson—Pacey, and uh, Katie Holmes—Joey, are doing the satellite tour for hours. So there they are (cuts to Katie and Josh sitting together on like a wicker porch sofa.) And—
Lady: And they’re working—
Sam: Yeah, they’re working—
Lady: They’re trying to do their job—
Sam: Yeah. They’re working; they’re trying to do their job—
The camera is still on Katie and Josh. Josh has one ankle propped up on to the opposite knee. Katie has a cup of coffee in her hand and she says something to Josh and he says something back and she looks into the camera and grins. While this is going on, everyone in the KTLA studio is basically setting the scene; talking about how Katie and Josh were just innocently ‘minding their business’ and being nice to everyone. Then it cuts back to the people in the studio.
Sam: Then, I think I’m off the air and they can’t hear me.
He begins talking to the clip girl—or whoever she is—about running the clip. She says okay, and runs the clip. Katie is grinning and Josh is in the middle of saying something, but then Katie’s grin freezes and then fades. She suddenly grabs Josh’s arm with both hands (the cup of coffee is gone) and pats his arm a little with her left hand to get his attention.
Katie (interrupting him): Hey, they’re talking about me.
They listen for a moment, and Katie’s mouth drops open and her gaze shoots to Josh. Josh returns her look of incredulous shock and then looks back into the camera while Katie’s gaze drifts as she listens.
Josh (affronted, but trying to keep it light): Dude. Who is this talking? I’m gon’ kick yo’ ass sucka.
They listen some more, and I think Katie forgot that her mouth is open, because it still is. Katie looks at Josh and he looks at her. His head swings left and then right, unable to believe what he is hearing. Katie’s resentment begins to show a little through her incredulity. The people in the studio, watching this, begin laughing. Josh gives his head a quick, vigorous shake. They listen a little bit more. Josh’s knee begins rocking back and forth, in annoyance, I think.
Josh (still only half-kidding): You best keep this up, sucka. I’m challengin’ you, I’m gon’ get you in the ring.
Katie (talking at the same time as Josh. I think she begins to say): This is complete bulls[BEEP!]!
Josh: I’m gon’ kick yo’ ass.
Katie slowly straightens up, crosses one arm over her stomach and uses the other to cover her mouth with her hand. Someone says something off-screen and they both look to the left and it looks like Katie says, “Josh” and begins talking, but what she says after that is beyond me. [Note from Liz: I think that was when they realized they were still on a live feed.] They cut back to the KTLA station.
Sam (fumbling an explanation): Because, I was suggesting to the angry news writers (is that what he says??)—I thought they couldn’t hear me—They don’t date any more, but they used to date a long time ago, that’s all we were talking about.
Guy: Yeah, sure.
Sam (trying to change the subject): Starting this hour of good-morning with a pair of—
Lady (interrupting): You insulted them, they heard every word of it, we saw the look on their faces when they heard it…
Guy (hitting his hand on the desk for emphasis): She [Katie] was …shocked.
Lady (to Sam): Have you called to apologize?
Sam (grinning sheepishly): I will.
Guy: He’s gonna whup him, man.
Lady: I think you will. It was on our station.
Sam grins again. You can tell he’s embarrassed.
Lady (closing the subject): Okay.
Sam: Starting this morning…